


9 Crimes

by leobrat



Category: General Hospital
Genre: F/M, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 22:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leobrat/pseuds/leobrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you...To protect her family, Kristina gambles on everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	9 Crimes

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to abvj for taking an initial look at this and being as encouraging and wonderful as always and to empressearwig, for finetuning. You ladies are invaluable!
> 
> I should also note that I quit the show completely in February 2012, so not taking any current canon into account.

She’s wearing black when she becomes Kristina Zacchara.

She’d come right from her last final, a presentation to her American Politics class, and as a gift for the end of the semester, her mother had come down to New Haven to buy Kristina her very first suit. Smart little number with a neat skirt and short jacket that looked like something Alexis Davis might have rocked at court, and Kristina felt very grown-up in it. Then she got the call from Michael, and hopped right on the train and spent the next day-and-a-half in that suit.

There’s nothing to think about in the moment, she knows she can only be gone an hour or so before anyone starts to take notice, but afterwards, in the car ride from the courthouse back to the hospital, where her little brother is still hovering between life and death ( _life, life, life, life_ ), she almost wants to laugh because it is just so damn ironic. 

After breaking the news to her family, she thinks that she should have scrapped Yale and headed straight for Broadway, because she is apparently an amazing actress, to have them all believing that she is madly in love with Johnny and has been all this time. There are no histrionics like they were probably expecting - she knew that the only way to play this would be with Cassadine coolness, not her Corinthos temper, and of course Johnny plays his part to a perfect _t_ , holding her hand in a loose grip in his lap. Protective and respectful, he even sits stoically through her father’s wild and unrelenting threats. “There will be no meathooks, there will be no _car bombs_ , there will be _nothing_ , do you understand?” She finally allows a crack in her temper and even her own mother looks up at her, surprised by the steel in her voice.

“Sonny, for _God’s sake_ , hasn’t there been enough?” Carly is the one to speak up for her, of all people, and then Dr. Drake is back with an update on Morgan and Kristina and her new husband slip out of the room, on their way to tell his father. Anthony takes the news considerably better, but Johnny grabs his face in a vise grip with one hand, making sure that the message is heard loud and clear.

“She’s my wife now, do you understand what this means? Sonny and Michael are _off. Limits._ ”

Anthony looks at her for a chillingly long time and she feels nothing but ice wash over her when he folds her in his thin arms - _how did this little old man terrorize the whole town for so long_ \- and whispers in her ear, “Welcome to the family, sweetie.”

It takes a few days to move her into the penthouse, and Johnny mostly takes care of the details of the manual labor, hiring a moving crew who work with the efficiency of a surgical team, and before she knows it, she’s left with the very last of her personal effects, packed in an overnight bag like she’s off for a weekend away. When she comes down the stairs, Alexis and Molly are crying on the couch, her mom holding her baby sister like she will never, ever let her go.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this,” Alexis says, forcing her her voice not to shake, to have some semblance of her courtroom bravado. “But you don’t have to. Put that bag down and just stay with us, we will work it out, whatever needs to be done.”

Kristina has a split second of wavering resolve, just that split second. She’s still just a kid, deep inside, but she closes off that part of her again. “Please don’t hate me, Mom.”

But even all of that isn’t the worst of it.

It’s her first morning waking up in the penthouse, and she’s sitting in a bathrobe with her new husband, drinking coffee and reading the paper as if they’ve already been married for years when someone bangs on the door and then just barrels through without an invitation to enter.

She has never been more afraid of anything than what she sees in Ethan’s eyes in that moment.

He walks right past her though, without sparing her a glance, and in a flash, has Johnny by the throat, screaming that it better not be true, tell him it’s not true, if it is true, then...

It takes everything in her and screaming his name four times for him to finally let go and turn around and look her in the eye. Then he glances down at the state of her undress and shoves his hair out of his eyes in that way that she knows he does when he’s at the end of his rope. “Ethan,” she begins, but finds she has no words.

“It’s done, man.” Johnny is catching his breath from the floor and she can see ugly purple marks around his throat and her own flesh aches from bruises long healed.

“Ethan,” she begins again, this time reaching out for him, but draws her hands back. Her husband is right. It’s done, she knew what she was doing and there’s no going back now.

“Look, cool off for a week,” Johnny hauls himself to his feet. “Or two, whatever you need. You’re one of my best guys, and I don’t want to lose you. I know that this-” he glances over at Kristina but she stares down at the floor. “-This is probably a shock. But I mean it, it’s done now. And this will never happen again.”

She’s still staring at the ground when Ethan leaves a full two minutes later, slamming the door behind him.

“He never wanted me,” she whispers, but Johnny hears and says nothing but gives a choking laugh, still not quite breathing easily.

Ethan’s back a week later, and says nothing to her. She assumes that it’s all going to go back to normal now.

Whatever the hell that may mean from now on.

*

“She wasn’t going to wait around forever, you know. You had your chance.”

Johnny says it without any cruelty or menace, in fact he says it without any emotion at all. And Ethan supposes he doesn’t have any reason to lose his temper at this point anyway - he got the girl, after all. And also, he’s completely right.

Ethan doesn’t have the option or luxury of wailing and gnashing his teeth when he has made it perfectly clear - for _years_ \- that he would not go near Kristina for any reason. And now it’s time to man up and accept defeat. He thinks back to all the times he thought he saw Johnny looking at her with more than just caring concern, the way he’d scoffed and called her a kid more times than he could count, and closes his eyes and counts to ten to keep himself from seething. This is life now, and he better get used to it.

There are some new arrangements, of course. Sonny and Johnny have combined power and organization - it’s medieval, like something out of the history books. And then the two kingdoms combined forces and were the greatest power in the land. Max and Milo are his occasional partners and he doesn’t know which is worse - working with the knucklehead brothers or what their first shared job was to be. 

Follow behind Kristina all day, every day- registering for her classes at PCU in the fall (no going back to Yale now), visiting her brother at the hospital, meeting up with her sister at Kelly’s, wherever the hell she goes, they’re always to be close by. Ethan can’t help but feel that Johnny is in some way marking his territory.

He’s even bold enough to say so at one point, a month after he was supposed to be over it. “This is supposed to be some kind of punishment, am I right? Just to show me that you’re the boss?” And he goes on to say other things, uglier things that he hadn’t even realized had been on his mind, about them being in bed together, about how Johnny must have had his eye on her for years, just biding his time, while always edging around what Ethan felt for her. Feels for her. Whatever.

Johnny lets him say his piece, quietly sipping his coffee with a maddening calm. “You finished?” he finally says, when Ethan is catching his breath. “I have you guarding her because you care about her, because you’re not some hired goon. She’s my wife and Sonny’s daughter which makes her twice the target. Do you think I’m going to let just anyone near her?”

“So it’s an honor position?” His voice is dripping with sarcasm and something dark shifts in Johnny’s eyes and he stands up. Ethan takes a step back, on the defense.

“And yes, I _am_ the boss. You’re my buddy, but don’t forget that. She’s my wife. You are an employee. Whatever you think you had, whatever you danced around with Kristina, that’s all over now.”

Ethan sucks in a breath at the ice in Johnny’s voice, at the finality of it all, at the way something cold and heavy lands down and settles on his heart, making it difficult to breathe for a second. Johnny’s words echo in his ear. 

_It’s all over now. Had it ever really started?_

*

Kristina has something of a ritual. She takes an ungodly long shower before bed and comes out of the bathroom, slathered in some kind of lavender lotion that overtakes everything else in the room. And then she jumps into his king-sized bed, tucked under the covers, and goes to sleep right away - or pretends to, anyway. He doesn’t think she’s actually had a real night’s sleep since she went from a college kid to a mob wife.

She didn’t back down from anything, this one, not from the moment she had burst into his penthouse, begging him to marry her (and for every good, logical reason he had for telling her she was nuts, she countered him like a master, and well, she won in the end) to telling her family, moving in here...The only thing to rattle her was that whole scene with Ethan. But she shook it off and moved forward. She didn’t even make a fuss when she realized she would have him for a 24-hour bodyguard.

It was only their first night together, when she’d discovered all her things in his bedroom and looked at him curiously, then with a little shred of fear that any of her resolve wavered. “It’s just for show,” he said quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. The thought of putting his hands on her hadn’t even crossed his mind. “The staff, and my father - they need to think that we’re sleeping together. I mean, in the same bed.”

She was staring at the bed like it was a battlefield. “Johnny, it’s just that...” her voice dropped to almost a whisper and she stared at the floor. “Um...I have nightmares sometimes.” Her cheeks were rose red with her confession.

Johnny let out a sharp exhale. Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that.

And boy, she wasn’t kidding. A few nights later, Johnny woke up to Kristina screaming. It scared the hell out of him, and when he finally got her to stop, she crumbled into a mess of tears. He had never seen her - anyone - like that. He awkwardly tried to take her in his arms, but she pushed away, too humiliated. “I told you,” she sobbed. He had the grace to leave her alone and not ask about what she was dreaming.

And so, they went on their business, their grand charade. Kristina loaded up on caffeine every day, and he saw the purple circles under her eyes get darker. Even so, she was a calming presence to him, he was learning, day by day. All in all, she was...pretty nice to come home to, sweet smile and cute, breathy laugh when he made some dumb joke. Besides, he’d always liked Kristina, always admired her guts and her stubborn streak, and they’d always had this thing between them, this understanding. They’d somehow survived their fathers, but it seemed that every day brought a new battle. They both got it, no explanations necessary.

Even Anthony offered a tentative olive branch - that she would be a fool to take and she was no fool - but it was something that he wasn’t _actively_ trying to get under her skin on a daily basis.

But no matter what, she would not sleep at night. Her dreams are worse than any of the considerable horrors of her life, apparently, and she wouldn’t or couldn’t face them. Poor, brave kid.

Johnny slides across the bed - there really is an ocean between them - and slips his arms around her from behind. He can feel her gasp, stop breathing, more than he hears it.

“Shh,” he soothes against her hair. It’s still damp and smells like lavender, too. “You’re safe here. I want you to know that.” He can feel her heels brush against his shins and then pull away quickly. She’s still in his arms, so slender and delicate. So, so still, like she’s afraid to take another breath. “Kristina,” he murmurs and gently turns her to face him, and sucks in his own breath when he sees tears stubbed on the ends of her thick, dark eyelashes. Does she cry like this every night?

He thinks about it for a second and then decides not to. Taking one hand from her waist and cupping it around her soft cheek, he leans down and closes his mouth over hers. And it’s like a lock. Nothing in the world could move him from her now.

When she parts her lips, his tongue slips inside her mouth and the taste of her is druggingly sweet. But he can’t get lost. That’s enough. That’s enough for now. 

He draws back to look into her eyes. She is not crying and her lips are pinker, moistened. “Sleep, Kristina,” he whispers, and tucks her against his side.

And that night, she does.

*

Morgan is going to be going home next week, they say. He’s woken up and is talking to people (no one has told him what she’s done yet and Kristina is glad to keep it that way for a while, until he’s stronger) and is supposed to make a full recovery. Eventually. He’ll be in the wheelchair for a while, but he’s still Morgan, still has full use of his arms and hands, still has that same honking laugh and serious brown eyes, so much like her own. He’s going to be able to go back to school, and knowing him, he’ll be caught up to the rest of his class by the end of the summer.

Despite what anyone thinks, even Johnny, she has absolutely no regrets. For now, everyone is safe, and that’s all that matters. So she keeps telling herself.

As she steps out from the hospital into the muggy early summer evening, she feels a little pit form in her stomach when she sees the black town car, as ever waiting for her right by the curb. It’s hers, along with her own personal escort.

“Mrs. Zacchara,” Ethan says blandly as he opens the door for her. She shuffles in under his chin and he doesn’t even bother looking down at her.

Ethan doesn’t look at her at all anymore. At first, she had to fight the urge to explain herself, to spill all of her secrets to him. Because as pathetic as it is, Ethan had been her best friend. The one who knew her, the one - the only one - who was always there.

But he’d done all but barricaded himself from any kind of a relationship with her, anything beyond older brother, or protector, and as far as whatever his... _anger_ or jealousy about the whole situation was...well, that’s just too bad, she thinks unkindly. 

A year ago, she would have thrown herself in front of a bus if it meant Ethan would act on anything between them. And now...now, there were more important things to think about.

She wonders if Johnny will be there when she gets home, and feels a little flutter in her stomach that isn’t entirely unpleasant. So far, marriage has not at all been the way it looks on tv and in movies and books. And her marriage is nothing like what her mother had with Ric, or what her father had with any of his wives. 

She’s always been easy with Johnny. And he was supposed to be the dangerous one - _is_ the dangerous one, she can’t be blind about that, not after the way she was raised and all that she’s seen. But even so, they’ve always been easy together. He’s friendly and talkative throughout the day - they never seem to lack for conversation or laughter.

And then there’s her Good Night Kiss. That’s what she calls it, in her head. It’s the one moment of the day where he treats her like his real wife, and the one moment she feels it. Just a fleeting, sweet kiss that warms her to her bones and she’s able to sleep through the night, her cheek resting against his strong steady heartbeat.

Kristina looks up to the front of the car to see Ethan watching her in the rearview mirror, but he quickly looks away.

*

She really took to it like a duck to water. Ethan doesn’t know why he’s so surprised. She’d been around it her whole life, even if it seemed like she was always trying to remove herself as far away as possible. But even so, having a front row seat to some of the best gangster theatre on the east coast had sunk in, made an impression.

And Kristina has always been a fast learner.

Now she sits there, easily mingling with the wives of Johnny’s ‘colleagues’. These are the young guys, the up-and-comers, though none have come so far as Johnny. Ethan shifts his gaze out to the terrace where his boss mixes and shmoozes with the other big east coast players, with brandy and cigars.

The whole set-up of this dinner is pretty Victorian when he thinks about it, with the men talking business on one side and the women quietly gossiping on the other. Kristina’s soft laughter catches his attention and Ethan turns back to her, drinking her in without anyone else around to take notice or pass judgment. When she had come down the stairs at the penthouse earlier, he’d felt the wind rush out of him. Wine-colored silk, strapless and _short_ , emphasized her delicate curves and her hair was softly curled instead of its usual pin-straight, tumbling around her shoulders in a way that seemed to beg touch, and her face...Ethan had found his feet moving toward her of their own accord.

And then Johnny stepped between them, taking his wife’s hand and shooting Ethan a pointed look, effectively knocking him out of his trance. And as he looked back at Kristina’s face, glowing in the dim light, he realized what he saw. Happiness. She was in love.

Now as he watches her sip champagne - she’s still only nineteen, but that’s far from any concern in this crowd - he wonders if she ever looked at him like that, if he just refused to see it. Now he’s on the other side of the room, driving her around, opening her doors, and that’s where he’ll always stay. How did he ever expect this to end?

The men have returned to the room and her husband approaches her, leaning over her chair to whisper something in her ear. She smiles at whatever it is and before Johnny stands back up, he presses his lips to the side of her neck and her face takes on an enchanting pink color.

Ethan stiffens his lip and forces himself to look away.

*

Johnny is a no good bastard, and he has always known it. It’s sadistic what he’s doing to Ethan, but he means what he said - she’s in twice the danger she’s always been in, and the only person he trusts with her safety is the only person he knows would take a bullet for her without hesitation. If he were a different kind of man, he might feel a little shame about it, that he seems to get all the benefit of Kristina’s sweet affection, while his supposed best friend is the one who’s been in love with her for years (he could always see that, even if no one else could). But he’s not that man, and besides, she made her choice for herself.

Johnny orders another scotch neat for himself and another for Ethan, who accepts it without a word. They’d had a meeting in Albany, it went off without incident but the lightning storms with hurricane winds are preventing them from getting home. They checked into a hotel and have been killing time at the bar for hours, most of it passing without a word between them. This might be a recipe for disaster, but Johnny keeps running up the tab. 

His cell phone jingles in his pocket and Johnny glances at the caller id. _K._ He had called her earlier when he knew they wouldn’t be going home, but got her voicemail. Turning his back on Ethan, he lowers his voice and answers. “Hey.”

“Johnny? Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine, just the weather. Better not to be on the road tonight.”

“Okay, that’s good.” She pauses. It’s the first night that they will be apart and he wonders if she recognizes that, wonders if she will sleep tonight at all.

“I talked to your father, and he’s going to have Milo come stay at the penthouse. Lock the bedroom door when you go upstairs.”

“Why do I need to-”

“Just do it, Kristina,” he answers, his voice sharper than he intended it to be. He glances over his shoulder to find Ethan watching him with something that looks like anger but his bodyguard looks away too quickly for Johnny to be sure. He lowers his voice. “Please.” Anthony has been well-behaved lately and Johnny doesn’t even know if his father will be home tonight, but there’s never any telling with him. 

“Okay,” Kristina says. She doesn’t sound upset, or scared. Brave girl.

“Thank you,” he answers, allowing his soft smile to melt into his voice. Whatever is or is not real between them, he does wish that he was home tonight, holding his wife in their bed. He can feel Ethan watching him again. “Love you, sweetheart.” She quickly sucks in a breath and hangs up. 

Johnny rolls his tumbler in his fingers. It’s nearly empty. Time for another. 

Ethan’s stare is unflinching now. “Do you really?” He finally says. 

“Do I what?” Johnny knocks back a long swallow before he fully turns to face him.

“Do you love her?” Johnny thinks Ethan must be very baby-faced under all that scruff.

“She’s my wife. Of course I do,” Johnny stares him back. He’s told more far-fetched lies in his past. 

Ethan sneers and he looks younger than Johnny has ever seen him. “If you really loved her, you would...”

“I would what?” Johnny is deliberately crueler than he can remember being in a long, long time. “I would stay away from her, is that it? No, that’s you, mate. Love noble and pure, never allowing the princess to be sullied by the stable boy.” Ethan’s eyes flash and for a second Johnny thinks that he might have made him cry. “I’m not you. I’m a selfish son-of-a-bitch. Love makes me greedy. I need to hold what’s mine and I would never let anyone think he can take her away from me.”

The words don’t make him as sick as he thought they would.

*  
The rain hasn’t let up for three days. Some summer.

But then again, this isn’t like any other summer vacation of her life where she just has a job at the pool in the afternoons and thinks about what classes she wants to take in the fall. She hasn’t hung out with Chelsy or any of her other old girlfriends since she’s been home, and even besides Morgan being hurt, she can’t really see the point. She fast-tracked her life a decade and doesn’t even want to broach the subject of going to keg parties with her high school friends to her _husband_.

Kristina can hear him over her shoulder as she adds another dash of pepper to the bolognese she’s had simmering for an hour. He’s not making a huge effort to hush his conversation, so she knows he can’t be talking about anything too bad, and cocking her ear, she hears him call the person on the other end of the phone line ‘mate’ and she realizes that he’s talking to Ethan. She glances back to see that he’s watching her and quickly turns away.

“What are you up to?” He’s at her side now, no phone in sight. She jumps a little when his hand brushes over her shoulder but he takes it away too quickly to notice. She thinks so anyway.

She shrugs. “I was bored, with the rain and all. I thought I could take this over to my mom’s tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you have them over here?” She turns around to look at him, but there’s no joking laughter in his eyes.

“You’re serious?” She cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Why not?” He actually laughs at this. “This is your house too now, there’s no reason why your family shouldn’t feel comfortable here.” And at this, she can’t help but laugh with him and knows he gets the joke because there are a _thousand_ reasons that her family shouldn’t feel comfortable here. “I’m serious though,” his smile is gentle now. “You can’t be isolated from your family. What’s the point of any of this if you’re going to be miserable?”

Kristina sighs. _Happiness_ wasn’t exactly the point, but she has to admire Johnny’s ability to make the most of it, and more to that, she realizes he actually _is_ trying. And that means something. It means a lot, actually. “Okay, I’ll call my mom,” she says, smiling softly at him. “Thanks.”

He comes forward and lays both of his hands on her shoulders, and though she’s expecting it, she still jumps and this time, he definitely notices. “What, I can’t touch you during the day time?” There’s an edge to his voice, but it’s ragged, like he’s more cut than she is. 

“No, you can-” But he cuts her off before she can finish, warm hands holding her cheeks and mouth on hers. This is not her Good Night Kiss, this is something different and new. He groans against her, hands sliding down to her hips and he lifts her, turning her around to the other counter and setting her on top of it, so they are level. And then he pulls her into him, arching her back and sliding his lips down to her throat. She can barely breathe as she twists her hands through his hair. “Johnny...” She half moans, half gasps, and he picks up his head, eyes glazed over.

“Sorry,” he says, and eases back, but he keeps his hands on her. 

“Where did that come from?” She tries for a joking lilt to her voice, but it comes out shaky, and he smoothes the hair back from her brow.

“I don’t know,” he gives a low chuckle, but his voice is hoarse, strained. He tips his forehead against hers. “I don’t know what it is, with you, one second it’s easy, and the next, I just...”

“How is this easy?” She’s catching her own breath and she puts her hands on his shoulders, opening up the distance between them just slightly.

Johnny lets out a rush of air, putting his fists on the counter next to her. “Because you banged on my door two months ago, begging me to _marry_ you, and for some reason, here we are. I think it’s safe to say that I would do anything for you, Kristina Zacchara.”

Her new name sounded all the more _permanent_ coming from him. “Why did you say yes?” she asks softly. They’re very close now, and his eyes are serious, and she knows he’s not going to avoid this question.

“Because you made sense,” he answers and his fingers inch closer to her legs, thumbs just brushing the bare skin. “You were brave enough to save your whole family, and how couldn’t I back that up? Besides, you needed me.” He’s right - she had gone straight to him, without even a thought to anyone else. “You needed _me_ , and...I couldn’t say no to that.” He gently bops her on the nose with a forefinger. “You’re just too good at getting what you want, Kristina.”

“You make it sound like I set myself up as a sacrificial lamb.” She tilts her head at him. “I...I like being married to you.” And it’s true, for however bizarre an idea it was. As much as she loves her mom and sister, for the two years before she left for school, she knew she didn’t belong at home any more. Even just sitting in the living room was hard sometimes, and she would always feel like the broken little girl on the floor. And then at school, though she’d been friendly with her roommates and the girls on her floor, she had never really been able to be comfortable with frat parties and all of the aggression and expectations that went along with that, so her social life had been limited.

And here, in her gangster husband’s bulletproof penthouse (which she owned by half, in the eyes of the state of New York), she felt perfectly at ease. 

“I like it too,” his voice is very quiet. “I like knowing that someone belongs to me.”

At this, Kristina can’t help letting out a frantic giggle. “I _belong_ to you?”

“You asked. And you always knew I was a caveman, Kristina.” He smiles down at her. “But yes - you do. You’re mine, to protect and take care of, and however I got you, I’m happy I was the one you needed.”

Then he kisses her softly, the softest he’s ever kissed her and helps her off the counter, before leaving Kristina alone in the kitchen.

Moving on autopilot, she moves to check the sauce, still bubbling away on the stove, and then she can hear Johnny playing in the living room. Chopin, she thinks, but can’t be sure. The melody is soft and tender, and it makes her wonder just how much of their marriage Johnny is willing to make real. 

*

She takes one shaky breath and then another. She feels weak and slightly sore - but this time, it’s actually nice.

Johnny holds her from behind, still inside of her and presses lazy kisses to the point where her neck meets her shoulder, running his hand over her skin. When his finger brushes past her nipple, she feels a lingering twitch between her thighs, but he slips from her with a contented sigh, turning her in his arms to face him. 

“You’re so pretty,” he says, stroking a thumb down her cheek. “You feel so good to me, like this.”

Kristina blushes under the compliment, turning her face into his palm. “I don’t have a body,” she mumbles, for lack of a response. 

He stills, his eyes dark and questioning. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The way he looks at her seems to lay her bare, makes her want to tell him everything, even the things she knows she should never say out loud. “Kiefer always said-”

“What?” The questions in his eyes are gone, and if it’s possible, his expression has gone even darker, black and bottomless. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

Now that it’s out there, she can’t either. Just when she thinks she’s rid of him, he always seems to come screaming back, the nightmare in her head a constant loop. “He was the only...I mean, there’s been no one else,” she says, her face still turned away. “I mean, he said it was okay. That I’m so...he said he didn’t mind.”

“ _Okay,_ ” Johnny mumbles under his breath, but that is not his final word. He gently turns her face to look at him, and the darkness has softened. He reminds her of candlelight now, warm and gentle. But then he sits up, bringing the covers back with him and leaving her completely naked.

Even though the room is still dark, on reflex, she tries to cover herself, but he takes both of her wrists in one of his large hands, holding them over her head.

“Don’t be afraid,” he says in a soothing voice. He must feel her pulse racing under his fingertips. “I just want to look at you.” And as he does, her whole body flushes and tightens under the heat of his gaze.

He takes his other hand and touches her, fingers skimming over her collarbone, the hollow at the base of her throat, the insides of her elbows, his mouth following his fingers, and then kissing her lips. These are not the hungry, desperate kisses that had began that night but they have a tenderness that makes her feel absolutely safe, and that makes her want more. Sitting back up, he watches her as he lays his palm over her small breast, plumping it up to gently roll the nipple between his thumb and middle finger and she gasps. But he leaves her there to span her waist with his hand, around her slim hip and then pressing two fingers between her legs, inside. She’s already wet and she cries out then.

“You are not _okay_.” His voice is rough and unsteady and it is something to know that she has this effect on him. “You are beautiful. You are _perfect_. And I never want to hear you say his name again.”

He releases her hands now and she’s desperate to touch him. They fall together again and she has no more thoughts as he rolls her on top of him, giving her complete and total control. When she collapses on his chest, he wraps his arms around her and they do not speak for a long time. And then he asks her a question, for which she is completely unprepared.

“What changed for you?” But he doesn’t make her look at him this time, which gives her a clearer head to answer.

“I never thought of you this way,” she says quickly.

She winces, thinking it might sound a little unkind, but he chuckles, amused and she’s glad that he’s not mad. “Never?”

“Well, lately, of course.” She smiles up at him, propping herself up on his chest.

“Of course?” He cocks an eyebrow and she laughs at him.

“You know,” she answers shyly. “You and I...It just feels good and I go with it. I think it’s easy with you, because...there’s no pre-conceived notions in my head.”

“Pre-conceived notions?” He keeps repeating what she says, and she doesn’t know how to respond, but he doesn’t seem angry. Still, she thinks that maybe there are some things she should have kept to herself. And now she feels the need to explain herself.

“Um...It’s just that...I always thought of Ethan when I...”

“Ethan?” He’s repeating her words again and this time there is a flicker of hurt in his voice. She bites her lip to keep from saying another word. “That’s the second time you’ve said another guy’s name in our bed. I have to tell you, I don’t really like it.”

“I’m...I’m sorry,” she fumbles for her words. She’s not good at this, and she had felt so safe a few minutes ago. It’s worse than a dash of cold water.

Johnny shifts his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Don’t be,” he brings her hand to his mouth. “You don’t have reason to be sorry for being honest. I hope you’re always honest with me. But...let’s make a deal.”

“Okay,” she says quietly.

Johnny takes another deep breath before he continues. “I know why we got married. But I like this. Do you?” She nods. “And I know it’s not everything, but here, in this bed, let’s just be what we are. Husband and wife. The real world, it’s always going to be waiting right outside that door, but we can at least have here.”

He’s looking at her in that way that makes her feel like she wants to give him everything. It’s not fair. 

“Okay,” she says with a smile.

*

It’s downright hilarious when he thinks about how much has changed in a year- hell, how much has changed in just a couple of months. If anyone had asked him last summer if Sonny Corinthos and Johnny Zacchara were going to be sharing office space at Sonny’s coffee shop, he would have asked them to share their drugs, because it must be a hell of a trip.

Still, it’s a surprise that there haven’t been any bullets flying between the darling in-law’s, and the two organizations blend together pretty seamlessly, without much of a fight on either side. Ethan notes that it is _not_ a surprise that Sonny has provided much of the manpower (he had triple the payroll that Johnny had, after all) and Johnny is quietly becoming the brains of the operation.

He knocks quietly on Johnny’s office door and enters without being given permission, and his boss doesn’t look up. He knows who it is. “Coffee, mate?” He gestures to his side table where a state-of-the-art espresso machine sits. Whatever the downside of this operation is, the Corinthos bean really is pretty perfect and Ethan goes about fixing himself a cappuccino.

Johnny sits back at his desk while Ethan sits across from him. “Did the shipment come in okay last night?” Ethan nods, knowing that Johnny already knows the answer to that. “Kristina, she’s got some...networking thing over at the university-”

“The summer salon for the English department,” Ethan interrupts. “We’ve got it covered. I’m picking her up at the penthouse at nine-thirty.” Ethan has, at this point, learned to bite his tongue, and he’s getting pretty good at it.

Johnny nods, looking down and twisting the gold wedding band on his finger. It’s a habit he’s picked up recently, Ethan has noticed. “We’re going to be taking a trip,” he finally says. “To Sonny’s island.”

“Overdue honeymoon?” Ethan asks, stripping all emotion out of the question.

“More of a business trip,” Johnny answers. “Paul Chisaro’s daughter is getting married and Sonny offered the resort as a show of respect. So, we’re all going.”

That meant him, too. “Fine. When?”

“You leave three weeks from Wednesday. Got any conflicts?”

Like it would matter if he did. “No.” And then he pauses. “What do you mean, when I leave? Is security going ahead of the guests. Are you expecting any trouble?” If so, Kristina is not going. He will kidnap her himself.

“No,” Johnny shakes his head. “Well,” he shrugs. “No more than usual. It’s not so much that security is going early as I have to go late. I have to take a meeting in New York City and I won’t get in until Friday. Her father asked for Kristina to go with everyone else, to keep Brenda company.”

“It doesn’t strike you as odd, Sonny asking for you and your wife to be separated?” All of the hair on the back of Ethan’s neck is standing on end. “You trust your father-in-law so implicitly?”

Johnny takes a sip of his espresso. “You’ll be there. I trust _you_ implicitly.” Ethan fights the urge to roll his eyes. Johnny doesn’t speak for a moment but he doesn’t dismiss him either. “And when we get back...I want to talk to you about restructuring the management here.”

It takes a second, but... “You’re firing me?” Ethan asks, slamming a lid on his temper. “I haven’t gone _near_ your wife, other than to guard her, and-”

“Whoa, whoa,” Johnny holds up a hand in alarm, and Ethan clamps his mouth shut. “I wasn’t talk about letting you go, I wanted to talk about a promotion.”

Ethan raises an eyebrow, wishing he could take back the last twenty seconds of his life. “What are you talking about?”

“A different arrangement.” Johnny steeples his fingers, resting his chin on top, and Ethan has to suck in a breath. It’s a move he’s seen Sonny do a time or two. “I’m going to let you in on a secret. I’m going to make us all legitimate within five years.”

Ethan scoffs. “Never going to happen. Sonny won’t allow it.”

“Sonny’s going to see that it’s all for the best. He can keep his money. But we’re getting out.” It takes Ethan a minute to realize that the _we_ he is referring to is himself and Kristina. Of course. He nods his head, directing Johnny to go on. He wants to hear more.

“What I’m offering you is...more of a partnership. It’s going to mean a lot more money for you, and power...but it’s not going to be an easy life, for a good long while. And it’s going to change you.” Johnny looks down again, pausing before he continues. “It won’t be all that different from what Jason Morgan does. ”

Ethan freezes. He realizes what Johnny is asking of him, and he cannot move. “Why are you asking me this?” His voice is hoarse, it comes out barely louder than a whisper.

“Because I trust you.” Johnny’s eyes are unreadable. “Because you understand my reasons. And I trust in that above everything.”

“Your...reasons...”

“To keep Kristina safe, of course,” Johnny says evenly. “I know you understand that.”

Ethan feels the punch to his gut. Damn him. He’s got him right where he wants him. 

*

Johnny’s mouth burns long moments after he’s kissed Kristina goodbye. Once again proving what a bastard he is, he waited for Ethan to pull the car around and did it in his full view, holding her sweet face in his hands and lingering, tasting until she moaned against him, all modesty gone. She blushed again though, when he pulled back and she came back to herself, the knowledge that they were not alone. She darted by Ethan very quickly when he held the door open for her, and watched her husband as they rode away.

It has been a tense few weeks in the Zacchara household, as they prepared for this trip and to the rest of the world, it is supposed to look like a honeymoon for them. Johnny knows that there won’t be much relaxing - at least for him, keeping an eye out for Kristina, and Sonny expects him to accomplish a few deals at the wedding party - but he was charmed by Kristina’s enthusiasm. She had never seen her father’s island, which he almost couldn’t believe, but he couldn’t really blame Alexis, either. She was all smiles and excitement until he told her about their travel arrangements.

“I don’t understand why I can’t just wait and go with you on Friday,” she said for the fourth time, frustration in her voice.

“Because I’m not even going to be home, I have to be in New York for two days and at least you can be with your father and Brenda.” She was quiet for a minute and he wondered if she would say what the real drawback was for her, and decided to save her the trouble. “Are you upset about being away from me for two days or spending those two days with Ethan?”

She rolled her eyes away from him, but he turned her chin back to look him in the eye. “Look, it’s just hard to be around him. He’s not - I can’t lie to him, he knows me, he knows me too well and he’s always been able to read me.”

“What are you lying to him about?” Johnny lets his hand drop to his side. 

“It’s just that...he’s important to me, he’s always been important to me, and for some reason, he just seems so upset with me now, and I don’t know why-”

“You really don’t know why?” Johnny won’t believe it. She’s a smart girl, and she really should know better. “He’s stone cold jealous. He’s kicking his own ass every day for letting you go, and now you’re here. With me, devil incarnate, and it just eats him up inside, because all he ever wanted was for you to be safe.”

Kristina’s jaw has dropped and the only thing he can think about now, after his diatribe is how pretty she looks with this shock, soft mouth and big brown eyes, cheeks flushed. “Why would you say that, he _never-”_

 _“Kristina._ ” Johnny laid his face in his palm and rubbed a hand down his unshaven jaw. It was very late at night. “You knew. You always knew, deep down, that’s why you fought for him so hard.”

Kristina set her mouth in a tight line, and her eyes shone darker. “Then why do you do this to him, why do you send him off with me every day, when it’s just torturing everyone?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Everyone? I’m torturing _everyone_ , sweetheart?” She bit her lip but said nothing else. “I want you to be safe. He’s the best option, it’s as simple as that. And for you to be safe, everyone needs to believe in this.”

“Don’t you think that chaining him to me every day is a little excessive, if he feels the way you say he does?” He’s only ever seen Kristina’s temper flare this way towards her father, and he doesn’t care for the comparison, even in his own head.

“Better safe than sorry, sweetheart,” Johnny sneered. “We’re madly in love newlyweds, that’s the story as the world knows it, and you came up with it. Fake it if you must.”

They didn’t talk for the rest of the night and she went to sleep on the far side of the bed again, like she did when she first came to him. When she woke up screaming again, he pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried until she fell back asleep and he woke up the next morning to her pressing sweet kisses to his face and it seemed she was eager to get over their first fight in the quickest way possible. And since then, they avoided talking about their six-foot Australian elephant in the room every day and spent the nights forgetting anyone else at all. At least, he did.

His wife, he certainly couldn’t speak for.

*

Kristina feels completely relaxed, finishing her second cup of tea with Brenda after dinner. They had both gone to the spa that day, and after a massage, a vichy shower, a facial, all followed up by a two hour manicure and pedicure, neither one had the energy to dress for dinner, and so they ate in her father’s villa suite, with their feet up on the sofa. But it’s getting late and she knows it’s time to return to the villa booked for herself and Johnny, even though it will be her second night alone there, and she’s not looking forward to it. After bidding her father and Brenda good night, she takes a deep breath before she opens the door to the patio, where Ethan is waiting, and has been waiting for her all night.

She smiles up at him. “Um, I’m ready to go back to the room now. Are you okay? Did you have anything to eat?”

He nods. “Max brought me the special from the restaurant tonight. It was great.” He’s also staying at the villa with her, on the first floor, but it still feels very close for comfort, especially after what Johnny said. Even though they didn’t bring it up after that terrible fight, she knows he hasn’t forgotten either.

They’re silent and awkward on the short walk back through the resort grounds and Kristina hates it. She can’t help but remember the last time they went to a tropical island. She thought she was being about as bad as she could be, back in the days when ‘grounding’ was still a threat her father could hang over her head.

She can hear the waves crashing on the shore at the beach as they reach the wraparound veranda of her villa and before Ethan can slip his key into the door, she reaches out a hand to stop him. “Wait.” He does, though he keeps his hand on the knob. “Are you, um, tired? Because I’m not, and if you want to, maybe we can just sit out here, and...talk for a little while...”

“If you want to sit out, of course I’ll sit out with you,” he sighs, as if he’s being drawn and quartered, and she bites her lip, annoyed.

“Because...you just have to blindly do whatever I say?” She can hear the edge in her voice and it’s almost visible, seeing the chip hefted onto his shoulder.

He smiles, but it is a hollow one. “No, I do not. I just know that I am not going into that house until you do, and then I am locking every door behind us.”

She smirks. “Safety first.”

“Always.” He sits down on the rocking wicker love seat that faces out on the ocean, and after a moment, she sits down next to him, both of her legs tucked under her on the cushion. The night is absolutely clear, the moon perfectly round and pearl white over the Caribbean sea. They sit in silence once again, as Ethan gently rocks them back and forth. 

She had spent nearly the whole plane ride over asleep on his shoulder. She hadn’t even realized she’d dozed off until he woke her up with a soft _Krissy_ when they had landed. She hadn’t counted on placing such trust in him again, and had really never expected him to allow it. But as much as she had ever fought it, Ethan was still the safest place for her to be. “We used to be friends,” she murmured, and he stilled their movement.

“I’m still your friend.” But he says it in a flat monotone, no affection or familiarity.

“No, you’re not.” She laughs a little sadly. Saying it makes it more real, somehow. “You’re my husband’s employee. I know that this is hard for you to understand, but we really _were_ friends, before anything else. I really miss that, I...miss you.”

He is looking down at his lap, with his hair falling in his eyes. He’s let it grow out long again, and she hates the way that her hands are always itching to push it back behind his ears. “Krissy, I...I would do anything for you, anything that I can.”

 _That you can._ Kristina sucks in a deep breath at the depth of what he must feel if this, what he has given her in the past few months is the absolute limits of what he can control. However much she _worshipped_ him - and she had, she absolutely had - she needs her friend back. It would be so, so nice to be able to talk to someone; all of the secrets make her so weary and brittle. She’s afraid she could break apart at any moment.

“Kristina?” 

They both look up to see Johnny standing to the side of the veranda, his traveling clothes rumpled and his face unshaven. He must have flown all day to be getting here at this time.

She stands up. “I...I didn’t think you were getting here until tomorrow afternoon.”

He drops the weekend bag he had over his shoulder right on the deck. “I skipped the last meeting. It’s not a problem.” He shrugs. “I’m pretty tired though, are you ready to go to bed?” He holds out his hand for her, a proprietary glint in his eye that she knows must be for Ethan’s benefit. “Come on, sweetheart.”

She can’t break. Not after how far they have come, everything they did to get here.

“Yes, I’m...I’m ready to go with you,” she pads over to him, and laces her fingers in with his as he pulls her back towards the house, brushing his lips against her forehead in a tender way that grips at her heart so much more than his searing goodbye kiss did yesterday.

Even so, she turns to look over her shoulder at Ethan, watching them walk away.

*

From his usual place in the shadows, Ethan watches the happy couples dancing. It had been a huge, extravagant affair of a wedding, and he couldn’t help watching Kristina all the way through, her serene face as she watched the bride in her sparkling diamantes and wide hoops. He knew that her wedding had been at the courthouse, quick and no frills ( _why the rush_ ) and not for the first time (if he was being honest with himself), he imagined the way that she would have looked in a beautiful white gown.

It wouldn’t have been the frothy, flouncy mess that today’s bride had worn, of course. Her tiny frame would have been lost in it, and she was simpler than that, and if he closed his eyes for a second, he could see it, her in a graceful white column, and if he really allowed himself to get lost in the moment, it was his own hand drawing back the lace veil.

And those are dark thoughts indeed and he shakes them off before somebody catches him in what is probably a woe-is-me expression. A table of bodyguards of the other families have started to kick back in the end of the party, and settled into a fairly competitive card game. He thought for a second about taking a seat at the table, but it would be way too easy, not even any fun. Besides, he _is_ still working.

The bride and groom have already cut their cake and said goodbye on the way to their honeymoon suite, and now it’s just a few stray couples on the dance floor, taking one last spin through a slow dance. And of course, Mr. and Mrs. Zacchara are among them.

His mouth had watered when she came out of their room. Her dress was a dark green color, a modest halter style in the front, but the back was open, dipping low and to emphasize that perfect curve, her hair was gathered in loose waves at the nape of her neck. And all day long, her husband’s hand had rested at the base of her spine and every time Ethan saw Johnny’s hand stroke over her bare skin, something gnawed at him inside, until he felt like he was being eaten from the inside out. She hadn’t spared him so much as a glance today, all of her smiles and her laughs and brushes of her hand were for her husband.

And of course, all of her dances too. It was customary for the families to mix and mingle at these things, so Max and Milo told him, but Johnny hadn’t allowed anyone to cut in on himself and his pretty young wife all night, not even her father who had accepted it with a grimace. Some of the other wives, who had grown accustomed to their husbands coming home at late hours of the night, smelling of another woman’s perfume, commented in hushed side conversations that the Zaccharas were young, give them a few years, such devotion never lasts. Ethan wasn’t supposed to hear that, of course, but he was a master at picking up - and keeping - secrets, and he had to laugh quietly to himself about that. 

Other people did not understand, and they simply did not know the way Kristina Davis- _Zacchara_ \- got under a man’s skin and stayed there.

*

As soon as the door clicks shut behind them, Johnny falls on Kristina like a starving man. He hadn’t been able to keep his eyes - or his hands - off her all night, and could barely restrain himself until he got her back to the room. But she wanted one more dance. She could have _anything_ she wanted.

He lifts her off her feet, sliding her legs around his hips and pulling her in closer. “Have I told you how incredible you looked tonight?” he groans against her neck, and she laughs at him, low and throaty. 

“I believe you _showed_ everyone,” she manages to get out and he lifts his head to look her in the eye. She has lost a lot of the shyness she had at first with him and it makes him more eager for her than ever.

He has her divested of her amazing dress and his own clothes in a matter of seconds and all but pounces on her on the bed, with her squealing when they bounce softly. She rolls on top of him and reaches for the foil packet he’d left on the nightstand that morning, but she slips her fingers - she can’t get it to open. With a soft chuckle, he takes it from her, but then he pauses too. “Hey,” his voice catches her. “Would you want to go on birth control?”

Her eyes widen. “Do you want me to?”

“Only if you do,” he answers, closing his hand over the packet. “But I do think it’s a good idea.”

She is still for a second and then she slips off him, and he wonders if he spooked her. “I just haven’t thought about it.” She seems like she’s too embarrassed to look at him, and for the first time in a very long time, Johnny feels the difference in their ages.

“Well, this has been going on for a while, don’t you think it’s time we started thinking about it?” Johnny takes a deep breath and sits up next to her, pulling the covers around her shoulders to give her a little protection so that they can talk. His body is screaming at him to save this conversation for another time ( _after_ ) but he ignores it for now. They’ve kind of been putting this off for too long already.

“We?” She looks at him, even though she’s still blushing in the most distracting way.

“Of course ‘we’, we’re in this together, baby.” He frames her face with his hands and feels such tenderness for her in this moment, he thinks that there is nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for her. “I wasn’t careful with you the first time, and it scared me for a little while, but we can’t always count on luck. Down the road, maybe five years, maybe more, maybe things will be different, but for now...”

“In five years?” She repeats his words, and he gets a slight sense of deja vu, of their first time together. Her brow furrows. “What’s in five years?”

“Well, I just meant, in the future.” Johnny hasn’t told Kristina about his plans yet. He knows she knows what he does for a living and doesn’t ask any questions, but he doesn’t want to always have to keep things from her. “You’re so young. We have so much time.”

“Time for what?” Her voice is growing smaller and smaller, and he pulls back, reminding himself that she’s only nineteen.

“Don’t worry, baby.” He leans forward and kisses her gently. “I just meant...There’s so many things I want to share with you, but we have all the time in the world. We don’t have to rush anything.”

She’s pulling back from him and her eyes are far away, and he wants to kick himself for even bringing something like that up. “Who even knows what’s going to happen in the future,” she says, but she looks like she’s talking to someone else and then he realizes...it’s not his plans for the future, it’s the whole idea of the future.

“We’re going to be together, I’m going to take care of you,” he’s forcing his voice to be gentle, trying to hold back every ounce of desperation he feels oozing out of him, and he pulls his hands back to himself, afraid to touch her all of a sudden. “This is a marriage, we can get through anything together.”

“Johnny, this was never supposed to be...”

“It’s not what it was supposed to be!” He can hear it, the slight loss of control in his voice and tries to inhale a shaky breath. “I know what it was that day, you were afraid for your brothers, and a war with your father was the last thing I wanted, so we jumped into this, but it changed. It’s _real_ now. Isn’t it?” _Please say yes, say yes._

“Yes,” she says quickly. “I mean...Yes, sometimes.” His heart begins to fall. “I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, and I feel safe with you, you’re the only person I can trust in this whole world and you make me feel so good when we’re together, but-”

“Kristina, I’m falling in love with you,” Johnny says it all very fast, in one breath, and as her eyes go wide, he feels all the air deflate out of him. He is a fool. The last word she had said was _but_.

“Johnny,” her voice sounds like the beginning of a gentle let-down, but all she says is, “please.”

“Please what?” He grits his teeth. He said it, he meant it, and he can’t take it back. What’s done is done. “Kristina, we can be happy. Please, give me one good reason why we shouldn’t give this a real chance.” But then she goes quiet, and whether she’s going to say it or not, he knows what was coming after her _but_. “Wow, I am...such a fool.”

“Johnny, you have to understand.” She holds her hand out to him. He notices that she doesn’t have to clarify what they’re talking about, or even try to deny it. “All I did for two years was _dream_ about him. He was my first love, and it was never even _real_ , do you know how hard it is to just accept that it’s gone? And see him every single day?” Johnny looks away. He’s not going to argue that point again. “Plus, it’s just always going to be there. He...he _saved_ me. Do you think I could ever just let go of that?”

“Kristina, he did not _save_ you.” Johnny can hear his own voice breaking. How can he ever compete with the boy who saved her? “You saved yourself, you did the work. He just picked you up off the floor.”

At this, her eyes blur with tears, and Johnny’s heart twists around itself. He can’t imagine what Ethan saw that night. 

“Johnny, if you only knew.” She is sobbing, but he knows he is not allowed to touch her right now. “He did so much more. He _forgave_ me, when I hurt him _so badly_. He was my friend, he listened to me, he made me feel safe. Do you think I would even be able to let you _touch_ me if it weren’t for him?” Her eyes flash with anger at the last, and that he will not take.

“So are you going to hang onto that forever?” Johnny rubs a hand over his jaw, breathing deep. “He wouldn’t be with you, no matter what, you threw yourself at him and he was just too much of a fucking martyr to-”

“Why are you saying these things?”

“Because I am _here_ , Kristina, _I_ am your husband, I want to give you the whole world!” He realizes at this point, they are screaming at each other. The elephant in their marriage is sleeping right below them and can probably hear everything that they are saying. Well, it’s nothing he doesn’t already know anyway.

“And how are you going to do that?” She sticks her lower lip out, and he recognizes the way she used to pout to her father. He feels a hundred years old. “Blood money?” Johnny sucks in his breath, feeling the kick straight in his gut. Of course, she doesn’t know anything else, and he never expected her to really accept all of his life, but it’s something else, hearing the words. But she clearly has been holding her tongue for some time and needs to finally let it all out. “You are _just_ like my father, I know what you do to make your money, I know-”

“You don’t know how it is.”

“I know everything!” Her eyes are wild. “Everything I’ve seen- my brother, _both_ my brothers and Sam, and everything from when I was little. Why do you think I have nightmares?” 

“You always knew who I was,” he mutters. She is looking down into her lap, huddled down and she looks so tiny. His first instinct is to pick her up and hold her, but he won’t comfort her while she cries over Ethan. He stands up, picking his pants off the floor. “I’m going to go sleep in the other bedroom.” 

He starts to walk towards the door, but stops with his hand on the doorknob when she softly calls his name. He turns. If she gives him the smallest sign of encouragement, he will go to her on his knees. He turns.

“Are we...I mean, are you finishing this?” She really does have the face of an angel.

“A deal is a deal, sweetheart,” he answers softly. “And we made vows. I’m sorry but you must live with them.” 

He takes the decanter of scotch off the side-table before he leaves his wife alone.

*

“Honey, are you okay?” 

She looks up into her grandfather’s concerned, tired face. He looks old, and she feels a wash of tenderness over her. “I’m fine, Grandpa,” she says, and tries for a smile.

Mike sighs, and leans over the clean counter. “It’s almost midnight, and...and you’re of course welcome to stay here as long as you want, but...” 

Kristina is a coward, of course, hiding out at Kelly’s. She and Johnny have barely spoken since they got home from the island, and she dreads going home. After everything she had said to him, after everything that their sham marriage had become, she finds she misses him desperately, and feeling the distance between them cuts her, lets her know how much she has come to care for him without even realizing. 

Mike smiles gently. “Did you and Johnny have a fight? It’s just part of marriage, honey. You two will work it out, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. You just have to love each other through it.”

 _So simple._ But Kristina can’t be irritated at her grandfather. He’s always been the most gentle with her. “Thanks, Grandpa.”

Mike looks up at the door. “Do you want me to give you a few minutes alone? You can lock up. Ethan’s here, so I know you’ll be okay.”

Of course, Ethan is here. For once in her life, she doesn’t want him around, she wants the room to think, and just as it had always been, there is nothing else if he is there. “No, I’ll go home. Sorry I kept you so late, Grandpa.”

After the little bell over the door rings when Kristina and Ethan finally leave the diner, they are silent, walking to the car. But as the black town car comes into view, Kristina does not want to get into it, and she feels choked the closer she gets. “Can we walk?” She says as if it was a question, but she is not getting into that car, not tonight.

“It’s so late, we really should-”

“Please, I need _air,_ ” she can hear herself begging and doesn’t know how her life has come to this.

Yes, she does. She’s always made it a point to dive straight into disasters, never emerging until the world is burning and crumbling down around her.

Ethan sighs and turns back in the other direction, to take the walk along the piers, by her father’s warehouses - the warehouses he shares with Johnny now. She feels sick about the things she said to him. He’s not her father. All he’s ever done is protect her from Sonny, and all he asked from her was to love him. 

She glances at Ethan out of the side of her vision. _Why can’t I just love him?_

She slows her steps to nearly a full stop and he turns, looking at her expectantly. “Come on, Kristina, you really need to get home.”

“To my husband?” She laughs bitterly. “Will he dock your pay if I’m late?”

“Why won’t you go home?” Ethan is beginning to sound beyond frustrated. And then his eyes narrow. “Did he...did he hurt you?” 

His mind will always go there. He will always go back to the broken girl on the floor. He’ll never see that she’s healed. 

“Yes,” she replies flatly, and his eyes flash with anger, murder even. “And I hurt him. You know, this might come as a surprise to you, but Johnny doesn’t treat me like I’m going to break apart at any minute.” 

“You’ve changed,” he says, after a beat. “None of this has ever made sense, you were at Yale, you were moving on with your life. When you left, you said you would always be waiting for me. Not that I was fool enough to believe in that,” he’s quick to add, and it makes her furious.

“I would have been waiting for a long time,” she says with a roll of her eyes, but it’s better than crying.

“I’m not good enough for you, I never have been,” Ethan says it with such conviction that her heart starts to crack and break a little bit for him. How can he still think that? But then his eyes harden on her. “But neither is he. He should be nowhere near you, you never wanted any of this, your father’s world, and you were gone, you were out of it, and then Morgan got shot and...” 

They realize it at the same time. He figures it out, and she knows instantly.

“Ethan, please,” she says, making sure to keep her voice low. God, she’s been holding it all in for so long, she feels like she could collapse under the weight of her confession. 

“It didn’t make sense, but it felt so real.” He sounds like he’s in a trance, and is looking away from her, out across the water. “The way he looked at you. _Is_ it real? Has it changed?”

“I don’t know.” The way his words echo Johnny’s sends shivers down her spine. 

Ethan’s mouth tightens. “He’s getting out, you know. He’s going legit, and he even offered me a promotion.”

“What kind of a promotion?” Kristina is curious. What else could he ask of him, other than... “ _No,_ Ethan.”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t say I would do it. But the point is, however it started, it _did_ change for him. What’s holding you back?”

The question is asked with baited breath, she can hear it in his tone. And she can’t believe he still questions this after all this time.

“Because of you.” She sounds pathetic and she knows it. But it’s nothing new, in this situation. “Because I can’t let you go.” Ethan is so still, and for once, he’s not taking his eyes off her. “And I am an _idiot_ because you never-”

He crashes down on her with an urgency that literally knocks the breath out of her. His lips touch hers with no hesitation, opening her, forming her to him, and his hands are everywhere, sweeping her straight off the ground. “I always, Krissy,” he groans against her mouth. “I _always_.”

She wants to cry, _then why didn’t you_ , but this is all she wanted for too long, and she lets him devour her, crushes herself against him. He’s always been inside of her, always been the biggest, strongest part of her, and she doesn’t know how she has ever breathed without him. 

The kissing goes on forever, it’s endless, one melting into another, but eventually, the urgency fades, and when he touches his lips to hers for the final time, it’s unbearably tender. But he still holds her to him, in his arms.

“This changes everything,” she whispers against his shoulder.

“How?” His voice sounds pained, but he still doesn’t let her go. “You’re in deeper now than you ever were.”

Kristina has to try, she has to try one last time. While she still has the strength to. “Ethan...I love you.”

But he says nothing back.

*

Ethan ignores the looks he gets from Max and Milo when he finally walks into the coffee shop. It’s all been too quiet for too long, and what he wouldn’t give for a good, clean fistfight to wrestle out some of his demons.

He doesn’t knock on Johnny’s door and when he walks right in, his boss looks up from his desk with a glare that should send him running the other way. He’s done running. “You’ve got some nerve, mate,” Johnny says quietly. Before Ethan can start to tell him not to blame Kristina, Johnny continues. “You’ve been gone for a fucking week, what were you thinking?”

Ethan closes his mouth. He doesn’t know. She hadn’t told him.

“I had something to take care of,” he finally answers, and Johnny waits for elaboration. He won’t get it. They’re in a stand-off.

Why hadn’t she told him? If she hadn’t told him, then...

Then she was going to stay.

Ethan’s heart stops beating for a second. “What we talked about before we left for the island, the uh, job opportunity? I’ll do it.”

Johnny doesn’t move. “You seem very sure.”

“You were right. I understand your reasons. And I’ll do what needs to be done.” 

It feels like someone else making the decision for him. And it is. She is the ruin of him, and the best thing that ever happened to him, and he will do anything for her to be safe and happy.

Johnny rises from his desk and comes to stand in front of him. He offers a hand to shake, and Ethan waits for the condescending remark. “Thank you,” is all he says.

Ethan ignores his handshake. “And also...I kissed her. Do you want to give me one good slug and get it over with?”

Johnny’s hand balls into a fist and he pulls it into his side. “Yes, I do.” He turns and walks back to his desk. “You can shut the door on your way out.”

*

It’s been good, it’s been good for a week. And today is a good day. He’s going to be a legitimate businessman in five years. All he had to do was sign over his best friend’s soul to get there.

If Johnny were a different kind of man, he might feel guilt about this. But all that is good in him is for his wife. 

Kristina smiles at him when he walks in the door of the penthouse, and he walks over to her and takes her face in his hands, kisses her because he’s missed her all day, kisses her to make sure she’s still there.

She lied to him. She lied to him, but she came back to him and chose him anyway.

And that’s enough. That’s enough for now.


End file.
